~I can stand here strong cold as stone
Seems so wrong I can't explain it
Maybe it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb
Baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bad~

Hmmmmm...well...
Ever wonder why High School girls are so stupid? I've asked myself the same thing a lot of times...
Why is it that I can never make the right choices...it's showed since the moment I graduated from Middle School...I think it's a problem that...well...I honestly don't know.
Lately I've felt so jealous and lost, well, in all truth I was upset that I didn't have a relationship I could touch, and I could hear...
Unlike all my friends...
It was like, no matter what I did everywhere I turned things were going down the drain for me...

So, if you want to know what just happened look at my previous journal.
I was so determined that I was right about everything...
But I wasn't...I never am...
After it happened, I was determined to remain ticked, but it doesn't seem to have happened. It worked up until I heard the song Girl Next Door by Saving Jane...and then I heard On Fire by Switchfoot and then Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol...I still forced myself to stay mad and forbid myself from listening to the songs that brought up the past.
So everything was going fine until I went to California, you know being stuck in the car with yourself isn't a smart idea and the songs came on and I was given time to think...which was bad...
So then...I felt like shit...
I was a cross between regret and joy. I didn't know what I felt, I wasn't sure if I had done what my heart was really telling me to do or if it was just that time of month and a lack of pills getting to my head...
The entire time we were in California I had nothing but time to ponder on what I had just done and it made me feel sick...
I'm not generally the person to do something stupid like that...
But I guess we all make mistakes...

Oh, Aku, if you'll ever speak to me again...
I need you to know...
I feel horrible for yelling at you like that...
You were right...
You never did anything to me...
If you'll read this...
I hope you read this...
I once read that...
If you set something free and it comes back it was always yours but if it never returns it wasn't yours to have in the first place...
You've set me free, right or wrong? I came back...
Will you?
I'd understand if you won't...
If you won't...
I guess you weren't mine to begin with...
I'm sorry for thinking so...
On top of that, I read that long distance relationships are hard to keep, you must be mature and loyal. I guess I'm neither...but...if you give me another chance...I'll try again...
You don't have to...
I'm just asking...
Hoping...
Wishing...

Yang...I know you'll never speak to me again...you hate me but...
I'm sorry for calling you so many horrible words...
I was stupid...
You understand what it's like when you ahve nothing to calm you down during THAT time of month, right?
Right?
Oh well...
Anyway...
You know...
Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.
Not an insult...
But I know you have a hard time forgiving...
But...I've tried so many times...I'm starting to get tired of trying to get you to forgive me...
YOu can decide on your own this time....

I just want you all to remember...
I'm sorry...
It won't change what I've done...
But it'll change what may come up next...

Anyway,
Depending on what happens next, I'll be closing up this account, moving my pictures, and starting off entirely new. No, I'm not telling you what my next account will be...
I think a new start will be the best...
So...
See Ya...
Oh...Please tell me something, one of you two, this is the truest apology I've ever written...
So...
I guess...
THis is really it...
Bye...